Amanda gives up her baby today.

Yesterday we had a birthday party at our house. Tomorrow we will clear out the annexe.

Today Amanda showed all Lavinia’s things to Melanie and they took them over and placed them around the room she has prepared.

Meanwhile Maureen looked after her grand-daughter. We took her down to the playground. Then Maureen got out the doll’s house that she’d refused to give Amanda because, as she said, she needed “granny toys”.

I wish I could tell what everyone is feeling but I can’t. Everyone is very quiet today.

Yesterday was noisy with the mums and their kids and all the usual chaos of infant birthdays. Today is different.

I thought of my own children. When they lost their Mom they mourned her, each in their own way. Hadley was 10 and Jamie was 8 so at least we could explain what had happened.

Hadley looked desperately at me and sobbed for hours. What would she do without her mom?

And Jamie drew endless pictures of Julie falling from the spire in Bryce Canyon.

Then they were absorbed into Lonnie and Elsa’s family and grew up with their cousins in a busy home with lots going on all the time. I never had any doubt that it was going to work.

Lonnie and Elsa made things work.

But what about little Amanda? What sort of mum will Melanie be? Will Lavinia take to her?

Tomorrow we will clear Norman’s annexe, and next Wednesday Amanda is going to go travelling. She will make her way to Australia first.

While she is there she will turn 20.

She is mischievous and smart. I wonder how it will work out for her.

Lavinia will be told that she is going to stay with Norman and Melanie while her mum is away.

But before too long they will tell Lavinia that Melanie is her new mum but that Amanda  still loves her very much.

Maureen will always be there for her, too.

After Lavinia had been put to bed, Maureen said: “Have we made a mistake? ”

I had been feeling very uneasy too, but I did not want to make it any worse for Maureen.

I just said: “You both weighed it up and made a decision and it wasn’t an easy decision….”

But I fear for Lavinia and keep thinking of the sadnesses of children.

I remember how I cried at night in the dark little school where my parents left me.

How I treasured their parting gifts which always got broken or lost.

That was long ago.

But I remember it well.