They have all gone now. I will always remember the laughter.

It’s just Maureen and me now.

I’m stumbling in a kind of mist.  A broken vase in pieces on the floor.

It is bitterly cold outside. The temperature has stuck around 2 or 3 degrees at midday.

My hands and feet numb when I ride.

That’s a kind of relief.

Pain can be a distraction sometimes.

More and more people are dying in the Ukraine.

I see people with small bundles walking away from smashed villages.

These are dark cold days.

I talked to Maureen about it.

She said: “Being upbeat and cheerful can be hard work. There is no excuse for depression. Jamie has reached out. Deal with it.”

It is very early on New Year’s Day. I got up because I could not sleep. It was like I had to get up because there was no time to be wasted.

I will do whatever Jamie asks of me.

He’s done what he had to do to trust me. Now he is taking me somewhere I’m lucky to be invited.

“Old men should be explorers”. Push their wasting bodies to the limit.

I will call Evelyn and wish her a Happy New Year later.